500 Days Of Summer

The big Fox Searchlight film for 2009. Picked it up at Sundance this year. Is this their fourth little indie that could? Coming soon...so, stay tuned.

Keanu Reeves' best role...

Joachin Phoenix when he was still called Leaf, and Diane Wiest is a Goddess.  Movie mom of the month, coming soon!

Vicky, Cristina and Juan Antonio

This is Cristina. A woman so fucking boring that even she thinks she's fucking boring. Maybe she would have been fucking boring anyway, but, she is also portrayed by Scarlett Johansson, a really fucking boring actress. So, I cared not a whit about anything to do with Cristina.  However, I will say, it is fascinating to watch her impossibly high-set, cantalope-esque breasts dominate each scene that she's in. Also, her kinda largish ass. I must admit, her body is mesmerizing. But, my God, she better take care of that asset, because I don't see her rounding the bend with anything else.

Here's Vicky and Cristina. Vicky is even more boring then Cristina. Rebecca Hall plays Vicky. Hall is a solid actress who was a stand out in The Prestige, as well as Frost/Nixon. She's usually someone I like to watch. Here, she was just another stupid ass, boring woman making stupid ass boring mistakes. Was I supposed to believe that Juan Antonio was her one true love? Oh please. For a movie that was supposed to be about sex, and passion and love and heat and craziness and living wild and whatever it was supposed to be about...wow....were these women stupid and boring.

But wait...Here's Juan Antonio. Now, I am beginning to understand why the women end up with each other. This guy is a real snooze-fest.  He's a smooth operator, no doubt. He knows how to move in, break the ice, and get the women in bed with him. But, after that? Well...apparently, he can paint. He's a tortured artist or something. He's completely uninteresting, and, outside of the bedroom...limp. Yes, I know that Javier Bardem is hot....looking.  But, oddly, there is no real heat coming off this man. Not here anyway. When he and Scarlett go in for, what seemed an eternity of close up kissing, it just makes you want to get it over with. It's not sexy, it's not hot, and it didn't make me want to kiss either one of them....ever. Yes, yes, I know...they don't want to kiss me either, but that's not the point. They're on the screen together. They're supposed to be my fantasy. But, it just looks like his beard is scratching her face, and he just looks like he's worried Penelope is gonna kick his ass if he enjoys it for a minute.  This big love scene is just...painful.

Finally, after sitting through half the movie wondering when it's going to be funny, or charming, or sexy...in walks Maria Elena.

Thank God for small favors, I say. Penelope Cruz won an Oscar for her role here, and I don't disagree. I think she's fantastic. She brings the hot. She brings the crazy. She brings the unpredictable, and the fantasy that makes you say...oh, I 'd like to do that! And when she says she is the one with the talent and that Juan Antonio stole from her...it's obvious that is true. She's a person ruled by her passion. I finally see someone up there I want to hang out with!

And it matters not if you think she's attractive, or not. She's a fierce woman. When she's not on screen...I'm picking my nose, or thinking about what's for dinner. I take issue with Woody on a lot of the film's problems, especially that narration. Who the hell is that supposed to be? Just some disembodied random voice? I hate that shit! But, also, the way he filmed Miss Cruz. Her work, really had to find it's way to us. She had some beauty shots, of course, but whenever Maria Elena really got crazy, or lost her cool...the camera seemed to fear getting too close. Damn, that's when I wanted to get a better look. It seemed Woody kept his distance during Penelope's most brilliant bits. Odd.

I'd have to give Vicky Christina Barcelona a C...sorry Woody. If it's any consolation, it was better then Scoop. Let's hope his next one is a return to the old Woody. I hear from the grapevine it's very funny. Whatever Works...coming in June.

Sing along

Hippo Birdy to me, Hippo Birdy to me, Hippo Birdy dear SallyBelle, Hippo Birdy to me!

Just past the halfway mark!

I Can't Give You Anything But Love, Baby.

That's the only thing I've plenty of, Baby.  Swoon.  I still miss these guys!  If you've never seen Bringing Up Baby...check it out. Cary Grant in a screwball comedy.  Heaven.  Also, check him out as Mortimer in Arsenic And Old Lace!  Love the man...and Kate ain't so bad either.

Phoenix, Bale, Independent Spirit Awards

I resisted this for weeks. But, I just ran into it again, and...it's funny. And since the Spirit Awards are irreverent to begin with...towards everyone...I did not find it completely offensive. I may still burn in Hell for laughing...but, at least I'll be in good company.

Sally Cristina Barcelona?

Today from Netflix, I finally received Vicky Cristina Barcelona.  The film had such a long wait, and as I was unwilling to buy, and wasn't able to get my hands on a screener...I have yet to watch this movie.  Even though I pulled for Penelope, and was happy when she won an Oscar for her role in the film.  

I'm bringing this up, because the timing...is interesting.  I also had the "pleasure" this morning, while listening to my favorite progressive radio station, to hear a clip from the Rush Limbaugh show. 

 In the clip, Rush was pontificating on the women's equality movement and what it meant to him.  Apparently, according to Rush, the women's movement was all about unattractive women finding a way to gain power in our society. Those bad unattractive, lesbian types!  How dare they fuck up our fabulous patriarchal society! 

 The thing is...I've been thinking a lot about my place in this society.  As an attractive straight woman, I wonder who fucked up and gave me the brain of a man?  Couldn't I watch Vicky Cristina Barcelona and decide, I too, wanted to have sex with Scarlett Johansson?  Maybe that would explain all these years of wanting to play baseball.  Of loving Die hard and The Godfather...and, if you can believe Judd Apatow...Back To The Future? Why do I cuss like a sailor, and hate to get dressed up for events and weddings?  Come to think of it...why do I hate weddings too?  Was I a lesbian that was only attracted to men?  Who's responsible for this screw up?  I can drive, I can parallel park even.  I can read a map, throw a football, operate a power saw, do math, drink beer and I like to have a good cigar when I play poker.  What the hell is wrong with me?  Did I mention I also have an urge to shave my head?  Hair is such a pain in the ass.

Is this the fault of those radical women who started this equality shit back during the Revolutionary war?  Would I have been happier shuffling around the kitchen, not a thought in my head about having access to everything that men did?  Especially Scarlett Johansson?  

I'm not sure what the point I am trying to make is...except that I am damn tired of walking past Victoria's Secret and seeing it full of women buying uncomfortable underwear to impress some man.  I am tired of Bratz dolls, and seeing young girls walking through the mall half-naked. I'd like to put Dita Von Teese in a barrel and roll her over Niagra falls. I am tired of the pressure that women are under to be "feminine."  I am feminine!  Why can't we, as a society, except that there are straight women who don't like to wear dresses, and there are straight men who do? 

 

This moment...was not about a woman taking off her shirt, you know?  

Look,   I had my place in the sun.  I'm just sorry I wasted so much of it trying to be pretty, instead of using my "man brain" to take care of myself and not feel guilty about it.  I just hope, that one day, my daughters will feel so fucking worthwhile, that they won't need a man to let them have it all.  They'll simply want a man...or a woman...to be their partner in life.  Not their savior.  And they won't relinquish their dreams to anyone who is willing to let them.  There are too many good people out there, why waste time with the ninnys?  I'm just saying.

Please can we have more women screenwriters and filmmakers?  Please, can we have more movies starring women that don't revolve around shopping, weddings, gossip, and three ways?

  So, on to Vicky, and Cristina and Maria Elena.  If nothing else...I'm sure I'm gonna love Barcelona.

Trailer Battle For Terra

 Battle For Terra is an independent animated film created by a small Animation company called Snoot, a Canadian company way outside the Disney/Pixar stronghold.  No studio, no studio affiliation, no studio support.  The film premiered at the Toronto film festival in 2007 to good reviews.  I am happy to see that Terra has found a distributor, and will be opening in the U.S. in May.  It looks like a great story, and although the animation cannot possibly be up to Pixar standards, I wish this film well.  What it must take to make an animated film in the Independent film world is hard to imagine.  My hat is off to the people at Snoot for seeing it through.