Movie mom of the month...Bonnie Waitzkin

How many times in my life as a mother have I wished I had Steve Zaillian writing my dialogue? 

How many times have I wished I could carry myself like the great Joan Allen?  

As Bonnie Waitzkin in Searching For Bobby Fisher, Joan Allen has the benefit of both.  She is the perfect mother for an over-achieving young boy, who's father is, perhaps, a bit over-zealous in his desire to have the boy be his very best, at a very young age.  

The movie itself is a flawless study of the investment that parents, and teachers, often make in "gifted" children, and the quandary of maintaining balance in the child's life.  I know a little bit about this.  

I've not only been Josh's mother Bonnie, but, I've been his dad, Fred as well.  The pushing and the pulling of trying to figure out how much is enough and how much is too much.  When are you holding back an exceptional child, and when you should hold back an exceptional child.  It's a fine line indeed.  And one that requires you to face a lot of criticism as well.  

I have been both successful, and a failure.

Bonnie never questions her decisions.  Bonnie is one confident mom, who has that desired ability to stay removed and objective in her own child's life.  The ability to see the whole picture, even while everyone around her becomes emotionally tied to the success of the child...Josh.

His father is not a bad person.  As parents, the thing we wish for more then anything in the world is that our kids are happy.  And, because it's what we have been taught, or perhaps learned along the way, we want them to succeed.  

Success = happiness.  Now, I don't believe that is true...but, I also know that not being successful doesn't bring it either.  How many times have I heard people talk about how things would have been different if their parents had encouraged them.  If their parents had driven them to the damn pool everyday...they might have been Michael Phelps.  

  

The better Josh plays...the more pressure he feels.   Josh's parents go to his school and have a talk with his teacher, the wonderful Laura Linney.  Concerned about Josh's absences from school, she says she is worried about his over commitment to this "chess thing".  Josh's dad, Fred, levels her.

Fred: He's better at this than I've ever been at anything in my life. He's better at this than you'll ever be, at anything in your life. My son has a gift. He has a gift, and when you acknowledge that, then maybe we will have something to talk about.
 

So, what's a parent to do?  Ignore it?  Send the kid a message that because he is a child, he is not allowed to excel or pursue his "gift"?  I dunno...would Mozart have been Mozart anyway, or would he have pittered away his talent with insecurity and fear of success/failure?

So, Josh's dad, Fred, get's Josh a coach, a chess teacher.  Not just any teacher...Ben Kingsley.

 I mean...Bruce Pandolfini, the best, and most unforgiving chess teacher around.  He begins to use emotional manipulation to get results, and this is where Bonnie..."super mom", comes to the rescue.  

When Bruce tells Bonnie that Josh should stop playing chess with the guys in Washington Square park...his mother tells him no, it would make him unhappy to give that up.  Bruce replies "It just makes my job harder."  "Then your job is harder" Bonnie tells him.  

When Bonnie catches Bruce berating Josh during a coaching session in her house...she kicks him out.  

Bonnie: Get out of my house.
Bruce Pandolfini: [sits there grimly a moment and then collects the certificates and prepares to leave]
Bonnie: [goes over to comfort Josh]
Bruce Pandolfini: [while getting coat on] To put a child in a position to care about winning and not to prepare him is wrong.
Bonnie: Get out of my house.

When winning has become too much a part of his "chess thing"...Bonnie goes after her husband.  

Bonnie: He's not afraid of losing. He's afraid of losing your love. How many ball players grow up afraid of losing their fathers' love every time they come up to the plate?
Fred: All of them!
Bonnie: He knows you disapprove of him. He knows you think he's weak. But he's not weak. He's decent. And if you or Bruce or anyone else tries to beat that out of him, I swear to God I'll take him away.

Josh continues to play chess...only now, it's on his mother's terms.  He goes fishing, he spends time with his friends, and he focuses on playing..not winning.  

Finally, Josh, on the verge of winning the national championship...offers his opponent a draw.  He sees the next five moves, and he knows he has won.  He offers the draw.  He is decent.  And now, his mother, his father  and his teacher can really be proud.

Bonnie: You have a good heart. And that's the most important thing in the world.